INDIVIDUAL EXERCISES
Exercise #7: Noticing Useful Skills Purpose: To pick out and reflect on the skills that are useful in solution
building.
Directions to Learners: Read over the dialogue printed below and
complete the tasks described after the dialogue. In this dialogue, the client
is a 19 year old woman whose two children are in foster care and who has
left an abusive man.
Your tasks: First, in the space left after each statement by the interviewer,
write in the name of the skill or skills that the interviewer used. Use the
terms for the skills identified in Chapter 3 and list as many skills as you can
for each statement by the interviewer.
Interviewer: Okay. And did I hear you correctly that you got out of that
relationship? Client: Yes I did.
Interviewer:
Wow! I wonder how you did that. Client: It was hard to do but...
Interviewer: I’m sure that it wasn’t easy. Client: No it wasn’t.
Interviewer: So how did you do it? Client: I just stayed away.
Interviewer: You just stayed away from him? That’s all? Client: Uh-huh.
Interviewer: He didn’t want to end the relationship? Client: No, and I got a restraining order put on him.
Interviewer: You did? Was it helpful? Client: For a while it was, but he just kept coming back.
Interviewer: So, he didn’t want to break up? Client: Right.
Interviewer:
But you knew this was best for you? Client: Right. He was threatening me, threatening to kill me and ...
Interviewer: Wow. Client: And every time he sees me he jumped on me.
Interviewer: He jumped on you, right. Even after you broke up? Client: Right.
Interviewer:
So that’s when most women sort of become weak and they take
him back. How come you didn’t? Client: A couple of times I did because I was scared [of him]. And the more I
kept going back to him it got worse and worse. And then he ended up hurting
my son.
Interviewer: Oh! Is that what did it? Client: That’s what caused me to get my kids taken.
Interviewer: Right, I see. So, your children have been taken away because of
what happened with him. Client: Right.
Interviewer: So, how...was that helpful to break up with him or was it not
helpful to break up with him? Client: (in a stronger voice) Yeah, it was helpful. Because I feel that another
man don’t have no right putting his hand on nobody else’s child.
Interviewer:
Right. Client: And that child, you know, I feel that if that child didn’t do nothing to
him he ain’t got no business putting his hand on him.
Interviewer: Wow. You are very clear about that? Client: Yes. He broke my baby’s leg!
Interviewer:
Uh-huh. Right. But some women, even though he did that, some
women either got scared of him or, you know, somehow think that he’s gonna
change so they would take him back. Client: No. My kids come first, though.
Interviewer: For you? Client: Right... My kids come first...
Interviewer: Really? Client: ...and I shouldn’t have to keep taking that abuse. And my kids don’t
have to take it.
Interviewer:
How did you know this? That your kids "didn’t have to take it"
and you shouldn’t "have to take it?" How did you know this? Client: Because if I had stayed with him it would have ended up worse than
what it was. Either me or my kids would have been somewhere dead or...
Interviewer: Wow. Client: It wasn’t worth it.
Interviewer: Really? So, I mean, you knew it, you were very clear about this -that this is not worth it? No man is worth it. Client: Right, it wasn’t. You know it wasn’t worth it -- beat up, walking around
with black eyes and my kids screaming and hollering, seeing their mother be
beat on -- it wasn’t worth it. Your tasks (continued): Next, go back over what the interviewer said
again, what types of questions does the interviewer tend to use? Why
these, do you think? Which types of questions does the interviewer not use? Why not, do you
think? Do you think this was a useful dialogue for the client? If so, what tells you
that? Assuming you think this was a useful dialogue, what did the client do to help
make it so?

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