April 23, 2017
104A- Business Writing
University Writing Program
UC Davis
1 Shields Ave
Davis, CA 95616
Subject: Looking for a hardworking partner for Project 2a
Dear Classmate:
My name is Van Chau. I'm just transfer from Los Rios community college I
was graduated from Cosumnes River College with an AA degree in Business
Administration in Spring 2016 with Honor. This is my first year in UC Davis
everything in here still seem new to me. Transferring from community
college to a university is a big difference to me. I have to starts everything
over again. Some of the difference I see at UC Davis Classroom room size are
big, people are study very hard in here, most of the grade from class are
from midterm and final there is no such thing at participation points or
homework, project and the class go by quarter instead of semester.
Right now, I`m currently a junior at UC Davis. As an Economic major, I would
like to work with someone with the same major as me so we can do research
together to improve our knowledge in the business field. I have taken several
Economic classes such as Economic History, Microeconomic, Health
Economic. I haven't done any community services or join any club or sport
after transferring to UC Davis. I feel like I shouldn't overwhelm myself since
I’m new student to UC Davis. The course in here are more difficulties
compared to community college, which mean I must spend extra time on
school. After transfer to UC Davis I have also quit my part time job to put
more focus into my studies
My career aspiration post college is working at a big firm such as pepsicle,
Ernst & Young, JP Morgan Chase. I want to work in a senior accounting
position or manager in the business field. The reasons for my choices is
because I want to be my sibling role model and lead them to be successful.
Also, I want to earn a lot of money to support my family and for myself and
use my wealth to help our community. I.
After I graduate from college I want to work in a bank as a personal banker,
or any job in a big business firm especially in a more developed place such
as New York City, San Francisco or Los Angeles. The reason I choose these
job is I want to be successful women and earn a lot of money. Prior taking this class I have already taken several English writing class such
as Developmental Writing, College writing, College Composition and
Advanced Composition and Critical Thinking class. Writing isn’t one of my
best subjects but I must spend a lot of time to brainstorm and revise my
writing. I`m also willing to spend tremendous amount of time to write and
revise until I feel my writing is good enough and to get a good grade. My
writing is has improved over the years even though English is not my first
language. I`m not very good at grammar but I have good ideas about what
to write in essays. My expectation for this class is to improve and learning
new business writing style to get me ready with the business field in the
future.
The criteria I am looking for my partner are a hard-working partner and
responsible person. The person doesn’t have to be good writer or speak
proficiently English. Also
I want my partner are also a fun person to work together.
My working style is that I do procrastinate sometime but I’m willing to spend
tremendous time on a project or an essay if it is needed for me to get a good
grade. I`m very busy during the school day because I must study for my
other classes, but I will try my best to make my time to be able to spend a
good amount of time to do group work because school is my priority. I`m fine
with dividing up the work with my classmates for a project or an essay if
needed and check my classmate work. This is the third time I'm working as a
team with someone. To be honest I’m feel uncomfortable with working with
some else because I'm not a good writer compare to most of my classmate
due to my language barrier but I try my best to contribute to the so it works
to be done on time and be able to get good grade for our work. The
strengths that I can bring to a team work is organization, technologically
savvy, good with design. I`m also efficient at Microsoft Word and doing online
research.
I hope to get an email from you guys soon. I will try my best to work on our
project so we all can get a good grade and have a good time together. I want
to make this writing class a relaxing class instead of a stressful class. If you
are interested in working with me. Please email me through my UC Davis
email or I can leave my email below. Thank you so much for taking your time
to read my essay. Sincerely,
Van Chau PROJECT 2a - Letter of Introduction
1. Addressing the
Assignment 2.Rhetorical
Awareness 3. Focus &
Support 4. Organization &
Connections 5. Genre &
Format 6. Use of
Sources 7. Style &
Language B B- C+ C+ A- -- C+ 1. Your letter format looks good.
2. Your subject line is not clear. I'm not sure if you are the hardworking partner or if you are
looking for a hardworking partner.
3. Although you have included some good information about yourself in the introduction of
your letter, you will want to think about how this information is relevant to your
audience. One rhetorical strategy is to emphasize the audience's needs, as the assigned
reading suggests. I don't see you doing that here. In fact, you should consider explicitly
telling your audience how this information is relevant to the purpose of the letter - finding
a project partner.
4. The assigned reading suggests that the opening of your correspondence should make
clear the subject and the main point of your letter. I don't see you clearly doing that in the
beginning of your letter. Think about how you'll want to be making clear two things: 1)
this is about finding a partner for the project, and 2) what you can bring to that project
collaboration.
5. I see that you've included some specific information about your qualities and experiences
in your letter, but some of these specifics may be irrelevant to the purpose of the letter.
For instance, if someone discusses where he works and include the city of the company in
his description, he will want to make clear to his audience how the city in which the
company is located is relevant to choosing him as a partner for this project.
6. You've included some good information about your qualities and experiences, but you
will want to continue to emphasize the audience's needs. When you include these details,
make sure to tell your audience how this information is relevant to them and what they are looking for. You may have some places in your letter where did you a better job on
this than others.
7. There are places in your letter that would benefit from more clarity and emphasis. When
writing business correspondence, try to stay away from vague statements that may have
little meaning in the rhetorical context. For instance, when introducing or selling
yourself, statements like "I'm a hard worker," may do too little to sell yourself, especially
when everyone else will be making similar claims. Saying you want "a good grade" is
also vague. What is a good grade to one reader may be different than another. Your job is
clarity. This link may give some help in this area: ://goo.gl/9X75Evhttps
8. You probably could have spent more time discussing what you are looking for in a
partner and why. This was one of the requirements of the assignment.
9. One way in which we organize and emphasize ideas is by putting the most important idea
at the beginning of our paragraphs. If you consider busy business professionals skimming
your text, you will want to make sure that the most important point catches their eye.
Ideas in the middle of the paragraph are less likely to be noticed when skimming.
10. If you don't make clear connections between your paragraphs, you risk your writing
looking like an unrelated list of ideas. Consider how to make clearer connections between
your paragraphs. This could mean that you need to rearrange paragraphs.
11. Your closing has two important components for business correspondence: 1) a next
action, and 2) maintain a positive relationship. Good work.
12. I do see some grammar mistakes in your letter. Although I am not having trouble
understanding, you may want to work with tutors in the Student Academic Success
Center. Business writers will need clarity and correctness. Grammar errors are outside of
the scope of this upper-division class, but the tutors in the SASC can definitely help you
in this area. Grammar Help: https://drive.google.com/open?
id=0B3B40bL1iM2uNEVad3B5dVA2Uk0y MY FINAL GRADE FOR THIS PROBJECT IS 81 %
PLEASE REVISE ALL OF THIS COMMENTS. Project 2a: Letter of Introduction
Business professionals must present themselves to a variety of audiences - managers,
colleagues, clients, and other stakeholders. Often these introductions occur through the
writing one does. To practice presenting yourself through writing, you will create a letter of
introduction.
One of your first tasks for your Project 2 Genre Report will be to choose one partner with
whom to work. Writing this letter of introduction will give your student colleagues a chance
to understand your strengths and weaknesses, your interests, and your possible contributions
to the project. This assignment will also give you an opportunity to practice writing
rhetorically-effective formal business correspondence.
Assignment
Write a formal business letter that introduces yourself to your student colleagues and
explains your interests and possible contributions for the Project 2 Genre Report.
Content of Letter
Your letter should provide a discussion of the following as it relates to the project. In other
words, you do not have to discuss every minor topic, the topics in parentheses, but you
should cover the main five. All that you do include should be discussed in a way that shows
relevance to Project 2.
The following topics do not have to be presented in any particular order or structure. For
instance, you may choose to discuss each of these in separate paragraphs of your letter, or
you may choose to combine some into the same paragraph by showing a relationship
between them.
Your educational background (schools, class-level, classes taken, major, extra-curricular
experiences, etc.) Your career aspirations post college (where you want to work, types of positions you’re
interested in, reasons for your choices, etc.)
Your writing background and experiences (previous college writing classes, large projects
you’ve completed, your feelings about writing, your strengths and weaknesses as a writer,
your expectations for what you will learn from this class and/or the project, etc.)
Your working style (when, where, and how you like to work; your experiences and feelings
about writing in a team, the strengths you can bring to a group project: organization, detailoriented, technologically savvy, good with design, etc.)
The type of partners you are hoping to work with and why
Genre of Letter
Your letter should follow the conventions of business correspondence from Ch. 5.9 including,
but not limited to, the below:
a direct pattern of organization
a goodwill and "you" viewpoint
clear and emphasized main ideas
a full-block style format:
date,
heading,
inside address,
subject line,
salutation,
body,
complimentary closing, and
signature block
Audience & Purpose
Your audience for this letter is all of your colleagues in this section of the class. Be sure to
think about what will be relevant and appeal to the values of this audience. Though they are
your classmates, you should also think of them as business colleagues and present yourself
accordingly. A casual tone is OK, but you should still maintain an appropriate level of
professionalism for a business colleague.
Your purpose is to introduce yourself and to present yourself as a professional with whom
your colleagues will want to work. As always, I am an evaluating audience, which means I am
testing your comprehension and application of class lessons.
Additional Requirements
Length: Your final letter should be approximately between 700-1000 words. Longer letters are
not necessarily better. Think about the information that your audience needs to identify
possible partners for the project. You will not have an in-class workshop for this assignment before submission. However, I am
available to discuss your work during office hours, and I encourage you all to visit me during
your writing process.
Grading Rubric
A=Excellent, noteworthy work: the writer does most of the below throughout all of the text
B=Strong work: the writer does the most of the below consistently throughout many parts of
the text
C=Adequate, passing work: the writer does some of the below in some parts of the text
D/F=Inadequate work: the writer fails to do most of the below in most of the text
A student writer will demonstrate the ability to do the following in the text:
1. ADDRESSING THE ASSIGNMENT
follow all directions,
show careful studying and following of the advice given in the assigned reading,
understand and apply knowledge of all rhetorical situation components
understand and apply knowledge of specific rhetorical choices
2. RHETORICAL AWARENESS
show awareness of the professional context for the document,
give appropriate attention to audience’s needs and values,
achieve primary purposes: 1) introducing writer, 2) presenting writer in a positive way, and 2)
soliciting a project partner,
create a positive and professional persona appropriate for the context.
3. FOCUS & SUPPORT
focus on information relevant to the rhetorical purpose,
discuss ideas that are explicitly made relevant for the audience and purpose,
use specific and convincing evidence appropriate for the rhetorical situation
4. ORGANIZATION & CONNECTIONS
make clear connections between all paragraphs, claims, and evidence,
organize with a direct pattern,
emphasize importance of ideas through placement,
order ideas logically and deliberately,
write paragraphs of an effective length for the genre and rhetorical situation,
organize paragraphs with topic sentences that make clear the main idea(s),
show careful attention to audience and purpose in the introduction and conclusion.
5. GENRE & FORMAT
follow formal business correspondence formatting as outlined in the assigned reading
follow formal business content as outlined in the assigned reading
make effective formatting choices (bold underline, lists, headings, etc.) that follow business
writing conventions
6. USE OF SOURCES
Not applicable - citation is not required for this assignment. 7. STYLE & LANGUAGE
show careful editing and consistent control of Standard Written English (SWE),
maintain an informal or formal style as appropriate for the rhetorical situation,
use a “goodwill” and “you” viewpoint,
achieve clarity and emphasis through techniques discussed in the assigned materials.
Revision Option
You will have the opportunity to revise this assignment for a higher grade. All revisions must
adhere to the guidelines and due dates outlined on the course syllabus and calendar.
Sample Letter for Discussion – this just sample essay . DO NOT COPY THIS !!! THIS ESSAY HAVE
BAD GRADE
We will discuss the following student-written sample letter during class. We will discuss the
strengths and weaknesses of the letter according to the above grading rubric.
September 30, 2014
104A-7 Business Writing
University Writing Program
UC Davis
1 Shields Ave
Davis, CA 95616
Subject: Project Writing Partner
Dear Classmates:
My name is Yesenia Gomez, and I am a third year student studying sociology. I chose sociology
because I am really interested in people and the world. I don’t know what I will do with my
degree yet, but I thought that whatever I do I will be working in some sort of business. Thats
why I am taking this class, to learn more about business writing. I plan on working for a nonprofit company when I graduate. I am interested in working to help poor people in different
countries, helping them to have better lives.
I have also felt a bit weak about my writing, I believe most people don’t feel confident. I took
the lower writing class here at Davis and it was really helpful to help me organize my ideas and
thoughts. Since then I haven’t taken any writing classes. I think my strengths in writing are
probably my ideas. I have lots of ideas, I just don’t know how to get them all organized. If you
want a partner with lots of ideas but you are good at organizing ideas, I might be a good match.
LOL. I am also took the Sociology research class last quarter, so I think I’m pretty good at
gathering data. I like to get my work done as early as possible. I don’t like to procrastinate because I get too
stressed out. Plus I have two part time jobs and go to school so its hard to wait until the last
minute but I know it’s sometimes impossible. I am also motivated to get the best grade I can
even if it is a B. I am an easy going person to work with. I have done lots of group project before.
I am always the one who gets my work done on time, but I do like a lot of feedback to make
sure that I am on the right track. Especially with my organization like I said before. :-) I mostly do
my homework on the weekends at night because I work during the weekend days. I live in Davis
so if we need to meet I can do that. We can also work on Google Drive if we can’t make time to
fit our schedules. I know that this is sometimes hard which is why I think it is important for
groups to be flexible and understand that other people have commitments and not everyone
works at the same time or in the same way.
I think the best partner for me would be someone who is organized and motivated to get a good
grade. I also like to work with people who give lots of feedback and help each other out. It
would be good if you’re interested in something like sociology so that we can maybe do some
research into what non-profit companies write. I am a bit nervous about this project but I am
also motivated to do my best. I know that sometimes assignments can be hard but we can learn
together when we work together.
If you are interested in working with me, please email me at ygomez@ucdavis.edu. I look
forward to getting to know more of you in class.
Sincerely,
Yesenia Gomez
Yesenia Gomez

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