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Category > Art & Design Posted 25 Nov 2017 My Price 5.00

Derick Morrow ENG-122 Professor Stuart Kenny October 25, 2016

 

Hi have this essay I wrote on "Some Lesson from the Assembly line" this is my rough draft I submitted to my Professor here is his comments on it. Could I get some help on cleaning up my essay and with my thesis I have attached my essay?

5-3 Assignment 2, Milestone 1: First Draft

 

You have a lot of good insights into the Braaksma essay, Derick. Your work experience is very helpful. I like the way your paragraphs are focused on keypoints. I think you could edit some of the longer paragraphs by about 1/3. Try to be concise--wordiness can distract the reader. As you can see from our work this week,  an effective draft needs a thesis sentence which lists the 3 points you plan to cover; a paragraph for each of the 3 points; and a sentence at the beginning of your conclusion which recaps your 3 points. Once you have this basic structure in place, you can fill it in with evidence, experience, and ideas. When you reverse-outline your essay, be sure to look for this structure.

Thanks

Derick

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Status NEW Posted 25 Nov 2017 11:11 AM My Price 5.00

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