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Read the chapter to answer the question.
Q. If opposites attract, why do people tend to date partners who are similar to themselves? is this
positive or negative in your opinion. You are required to post one initial post of at least 250 words. NO Plagiarism At all
Own Words only no additional source.
Thank you!! 8 Choosing Others: Dating and Mate Selection Chapter Overview
Mate selection is one of the most important decisions in life. This chapter talks on how dating
and mate selection varies across cultures, the benefits and costs of dating. It also compares the
theories behind mate selection and strategies for meeting dating partners. The chapter finishes
with a focus on dating violence and breaking up. Learning Objectives
After reading and studying this chapter the students will be able to:
8.1. Compare the manifest and latent functions of dating.
8.2. Outline the characteristics, benefits, and costs of traditional and contemporary dating
patterns.
8.3. Describe five strategies for meeting dating partners.
8.4. Compare three mate-selection theories.
8.5. Describe some of the mate-selection differences across cultures.
8.6. Describe the prevalence of dating violence, and explain why it occurs and its consequences.
8.7. Describe breaking up, and explain why it occurs and its consequences. Detailed Chapter Outline
I. Why Do We Date? [LS1] [LTA1] Learning Objective
8.1. Compare the manifest and latent functions of dating.
Traditional college students (those who live on campus and are under age 25) may
dismiss dating—the process of meeting people socially for possible mate selection—as old
fashioned because “there’s no time, no money, and no need”. The reasons for dating seem self-evident, but dating is more complex than just getting together.
Sociologists describe the dating process as a marriage market where people compare the assets
and liabilities of eligible partners and choose the best available mate. Everyone has a “market
value,” and whom a person “trades” with depends on one’s resources. Like most other choices
people make, dating involves taking risks with the resources they invest. The more valuable the
catch, the more likely people are to devote time and money to looking attractive, accommodating
the partner’s personality or interests, or getting along with her or his family and friends. In
contrast, one-night stands entail few risks (if the partners don’t contract STDs and the woman
doesn’t get pregnant) and little investment of resources. Dating fulfills a number of functions.
They can be manifest—the purposes are visible, recognized, and intended—or latent—the
purposes are unintended or not immediately recognized.
A. Manifest Functions of Dating Dating fulfills several important manifest functions: Maturation: Dating sends the message that an adolescent is reaching puberty. She or he
becomes capable of engaging in developmental tasks such as emotional intimacy
outside the family and, often, sexual expression. Fun and recreation: Going out with people we like relieves boredom, stress, and
loneliness. Online dating sites report that their membership spikes during stressful
economic times, probably because people seek relationships to lessen their
anxiety. And, as more people postpone marriage, dating becomes an important
recreational activity. Companionship: Regardless of one’s age, dating can be a valuable source of
companionship. It can also ease the heartbreak of being widowed. Love and affection: Dating is a socially accepted way to enjoy intimacy. Both women and
men say that they initiated a date because they were in love or wanted a caring and
serious relationship. Mate selection: Whether or not people admit it, dating is usually a search for a marital
partner.
B. Latent Functions of Dating Dating also fulfills several important latent functions: Socialization: Through dating, people learn about expected gender roles; family
structures that differ from their own; and different attitudes, beliefs, and values. This
kind of learning is especially valuable for adolescents, who can test and hone their
communication skills in one-on-one settings. Social status: Going out with an attractive or successful person enhances one’s status and
prestige. Being popular or going out with someone who’s popular can also increase
one’s standing in a social group. Fulfillment of ego needs: Being asked out on a date or having one’s invitation accepted
boosts a person’s self-esteem and self-image. Self-confidence rises if the date goes well
or if the partner is flattering and attentive. Sexual experimentation and intimacy: Many teenagers learn about sex during dating.
Females, especially, report that their first sexual intercourse occurred in a steady or
serious dating relationship. As dating becomes more committed or frequent, young
people are more likely to want and have sex. Big business: Dating provides a significant economic market for products and services
such as clothing, grooming, food, and entertainment. A huge industry of self-help dating
books, always targeted to women, has convinced them that there’s something wrong
with them if they’re not dating or haven’t found their “true love”.
Manifest and latent dating functions often change over time. As people mature, status may
become less relevant and companionship more important, especially if the dating partners
plan to marry.
II. The Dating Spectrum [CA1] Learning Objective
8.2. Outline the characteristics, benefits, and costs of traditional and contemporary dating
patterns.
Unlike a few generations ago, dating today is distinct from courtship and may or may not end in
marriage. Traditional dating is still common, but there are a number of newer forms of getting
together, as well as some combinations of traditional and contemporary dating.
A. Traditional Dating The traditional date, which prevailed until the 1970s, is still a way to meet potential spouses.
In traditional dating, males and females follow clear, culturally defined gender role scripts, at
least among the middle classes. Both women and men expect the man to take control,
including initiating the date, deciding where to go, picking up the woman, paying for the date,
and taking her home. The expectation is unstated, but members of both sexes often assume
that the woman will show her gratitude in some way—usually through a goodnight kiss,
making out, or intercourse.
The popularity of traditional dating is particularly evident in formal events such as comingout parties or debutante balls, at which young women, usually from the upper classes, are
introduced to the society. Other cultural rites of passage include the bat mitzvah for girls and
the bar mitzvah for boys in Jewish communities. These rituals mark the end of childhood and
readiness for adult responsibilities and rights, including dating. In many Latino communities,
the quinceañera (pronounced kin-say-ah-NYAIR-ah) is a coming-of-age rite that celebrates a
girl’s entrance into adulthood on her fifteenth birthday.
B. Contemporary Dating In contrast to traditional dates, much of contemporary dating is usually casual and includes
hanging out, getting together, and “hooking up.” There are also traditional-contemporary
combinations that can lead to engagement and marriage. Hanging Out Whether hanging out occurs on a neighborhood street corner, at a fast-food place, or in a
mall, it is a time-honored adolescent pastime. A customary meeting place may be set, with
people coming and going at different times. Or, once a group gets together, the members
decide what they want to do and the information is quickly spread by text messages.
Hanging out is possible both because many parents respect their teenagers’ privacy and
independence and because many 16- and 17-year-olds have access to cars.
Getting Together Getting together is more intimate and structured than hanging out. A group of friends meets
at someone’s house or a party. Either males or females can organize the initial effort, and
the group often pools its resources, especially if alcohol or other drugs are part of the
activities.
Getting together is popular for several reasons: Because the activities are spontaneous, there’s little anxiety about preparing for a
formal date or initiating or rejecting sexual advances. The experience is less threatening emotionally because the participants don’t have to
worry about finding a date or getting stuck with someone (such as a blind date) for
the entire evening. It also relieves females of sexual pressure because they may help organize the gettogether, share in the expenses, and come alone or with friends (rather than as part of
a couple). People may pair off, but there is less pressure to have a date as a sign of
popularity. Getting together decreases parental control over the choice of friends. Parents usually
don’t know many of the adolescents in the group and are less likely to disapprove of
friendships or compare notes with other parents.
Hooking Up Hooking up is a casual sexual encounter, no strings attached. It’s a vague term that can
mean anything from kissing and genital fondling to oral sex and sexual intercourse. After
an initial hookup, partners may hook up again or, in some cases, start dating and become
exclusive couples Commonly, but not always, hooking up takes place when both people are
drinking or using other drugs. They might also hook up with casual friends or a former
girlfriend or boyfriend. In the case of “friends with benefits” (FWB), a variation of
hooking up, friends have sex with each other as a form of recreation that involves
everything from kissing to sexual intercourse.
Hooking up has its advantages. For both sexes, there’s little or no expectation of a future
commitment. Many men prefer hookups because they’re inexpensive compared with
dating. Hookups also remove the stigma of not being able to get dates but being able to
experience sexual pleasure, and making people feel sexy and desirable. Hooking up also has disadvantages, especially for women. Among college students, for
example, men are more likely than women to initiate sex; more than twice as many men as
women experience an orgasm because the men aren’t attentive to what pleases women
sexually and show no affection; and women who hook up generally get a reputation as
“sluts”. In effect, then, and despite the advantages of hooking up, the sexual double
standard persists.
Regarding “friends with benefits,” FWB encounters provide a relatively safe and
convenient environment for recreational sex because both people feel comfortable and trust
each other. The disadvantages include complications such as wanting an unreciprocated
romantic commitment, which can end a friendship, and creating conflict among a close
circle of friends whose relationships don’t include sex.
C. Traditional-Contemporary Combinations Several dating patterns incorporate both traditional customs and contemporary trends.
Proms and Homecoming Parties Proms and homecoming parties are still among the most popular traditional dating events.
As in the past, they’re formal or semiformal. Women receive corsages; men are typically
responsible for transportation and other expenses; and both men and women, but especially
women, invest quite a bit of time and money in preparing for these events.
Contemporary changes include prom “turnabout” invitations (those extended to men by
women) and dining out beforehand with a large group of couples. Couples might prolong
the event by holding a group sleepover (presumably but rarely chaperoned by parents),
staying out all night and returning after breakfast, or continuing the festivities into the
weekend at a nearby beach or other recreational area.
Dinner Dates Dinner dates, like first dates of any kind, are still highly scripted. The man typically
initiates the date, opens doors, and starts sexual interaction (such as kissing the woman
goodnight or making out). The woman spends a good deal of time on her appearance,
depends on the man to make the plans, and often responds to a sexual overture rather than
making the first move. Thus, making a good impression early in the dating relationship is
still largely synonymous with playing traditional gender roles. The rise of the women’s
movement in the 1970s led to the custom of going Dutch, or splitting the costs of a date.
Sharing dating expenses frees women to initiate dates and relieves them from feeling that
they should “pay off” with sex.
Stayovers An emerging dating trend is “stayovers” in which couples spend three or more nights
together but maintain separate homes. It’s a middle ground between casual dating and more
formal commitments such as moving in together or getting married. The benefits include maintaining control over the pace of the relationship and possessions if there’s a
breakup. According to some critics, however, stayovers promote an “obsession with
independence” and playing house instead of making a commitment.
D. Dating in Later Life Among single U.S. adults age 50 and older, 45 percent are actively dating. In the same age
group, 17 percent of the never-married want to date and marry, 46 percent of divorced singles
and 29 percent of widowed are interested in dating but not marrying again.
Dating after divorce or being widowed can be both therapeutic and intimidating. It can
enhance one’s self-esteem, decrease loneliness, and involve reassessing one’s strengths and
weaknesses as one forges new relationships. Dating can also provide companionship while
one is still grieving a spouse’s death.
Dating can also be daunting. Widowed people may be nervous about reentering the marriage
market, feel guilty about their romantic yearnings, and experience anxiety about their physical
appearance or sex appeal.
Despite their initial uneasiness, many divorced and widowed people establish new and
satisfying relationships through dating. Some seek out their teen heartthrobs online, rekindle
the old flame, and marry. Not all such reunions have a happy ending, however. People change
over the years, and memories of first loves are usually highly romanticized.
III. Meeting Others Learning Objective
8.3. Describe five strategies for meeting dating partners.
About 62 percent of Americans met their current spouses at work or school or through friends
and family members. People have also relied on other strategies that range from personal
classified ads to online dating sites.
A. Personal Classified Advertisements Personal classified advertisements for dating and matrimony have existed for centuries. They
first appeared in newspapers in the early 1700s and later in magazines. Advertisers typically
described her or his qualities and those sought in an ideal partner. The ads became more
prevalent during the 1960s and 1970s, but never became a widely socially acceptable way to
find a mate. Only 1 percent of Americans met romantic partners through personal ads. There
are still some personal printed ads in newspapers and magazines, but many are now online
B. Mail-Order Brides American men seeking wives can access one or more of 200 international services that
publish photographs and descriptions of women, usually from economically disadvantaged
regions such as the Philippines, Russia, Ukraine, and other Eastern European and South Asian
countries. Most of the men are white, college educated, middle-aged, and anywhere from 20 to 50 years
older than the young brides they seek. Complaining that American women are too
independent, too demanding, and too critical, the men typically want women with relatively
little education who are raised in cultures in which a married woman is expected to be a docile
and obedient homemaker.
The mail-order bride industry is booming. The number of mail-order marriages in the United
States more than doubled between 1999 and 2007, when more than 16,500 such unions
occurred. Because the mail-order bride business is largely unregulated, there’s no way of
knowing how many of these marriages are successful. Often, the American Prince Charming
turns out to be an abuser. Some have murdered their wives; some have beaten, choked, and
raped their brides; and others control their spouses by denying them any contact with their
families at home or with their current American neighbors.
Beginning in 2006, the International Marriage Broker Regulation Act required U.S. men
seeking a visa for a prospective bride to disclose any criminal convictions for domestic
violence, sexual assault, or child abuse. Broker agencies were angry about the law, but there’s
little enforcement. Most of the women stay in abusive relationships and don’t report assaults
because they speak little English; have no money and no friends in the United States; don’t
know that they can leave abusive husbands without being deported; and fear that their
families will blame them, and not their husbands, for a breakup.
In other cases, the women advertising through matchmaking websites are more interested in
entering the United States than finding a lifelong husband.
C. Professional Matchmakers In the United States, online dating is booming, but some find the process too time consuming,
are disappointed with the results, or want more privacy. As a result, professional matchmaking
services are thriving.
Some matchmakers charge little for their service—$50 per introduction, plus a $50 one-time
registration fee—but many fees are considerably higher. The services consist of an “image
consultant” who suggests wardrobe changes (for both women and men) and a trip to a bridal
shop so that a woman can visualize herself getting married. Many of the consultants
themselves are single. These matchmakers may be better at getting rich than they are at
marrying people off.
D. Speed Dating Speed dating is a dating approach, developed in the late 1990s, in which singles attend an
event, such as a local restaurant, where they engage in a series of brief face-to-face
interactions with 14 or more potential romantic partners. The participants go from one table to
another, spending about 10 minutes chatting with each person. At the end of an hour or two,
they “grade” one other and decide whether they’d be willing to get together with each of them in the future. Since 1999, speed dating has spawned a number of companies that serve
heterosexuals, gays, and a variety of ethnic and age groups.
Speed dating has several benefits. It’s inexpensive (about $30 per function), takes little time,
guards against stalking because the participants use only their first names, usually draws
people from the same region, and avoids the awkwardness of blind dates. Some people
initially feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about attending (“What if someone I know is
there?”). According to the events’ organizers, however, more than half of the participants meet
someone with whom there’s mutual interest in another date.
Speed dating also has several disadvantages. Because the participants engage in only a few
minutes of conversation, they often rate potential daters on very superficial criteria such as
appearance rather than more substantive traits such as values and lifestyle. Also, the larger the
number of participants, the more likely they are to experience a “choice overload,” resulting
in saying “no” to a large number of potential dating partners.
E. Online Dating [STA1] Millions of people are turning to the Internet to find romance. They can meet hundreds of
potential partners online, and discuss anything from radishes to romance. There are more than
1,500 online dating sites, and new ones keep popping up.
A major advantage of many online dating sites is their convenience and low cost. Many dating
sites and apps are free, and geography-based technology allows people to arrange spur-of-themoment dates. Subscribers can sift candidates based on height, age, mutual interests, and
dozens of other traits. Skype, an Internet phone service, lets singles connect all over the world
for free. Another advantage is that subscribers can use code names and remain anonymous as
long as they wish. Online dating is especially useful for singles who have difficulty in meeting potential
romantic partners. People age 45 and older are the fastest-growing group of online dating
service users, and those ages 55 and older are visiting online dating sites more than any other
age group. One reason is that the youngest baby boomers turned 65 in 2011, have high
divorce rates, and are now looking for new mates. The Internet can be especially helpful to
older women: Many don’t have the same dating opportunities as men or find that men their
age in their own community are looking for younger women.
A comprehensive review of the scientific literature on online dating concluded that, outside of
increasing the pool of eligible dating partners, online dating services haven’t improved
romantic outcomes compared with offline conventional dating. First, dating sites fail to collect
a lot of crucial information—such as communication patterns, problem-solving abilities, and
sexual compatibility— that lead to failed relationships. Second, dating sites don’t take into
account the real-life environment surrounding the relationship. When couples encounter stress
because of job loss, financial strain, long-term illness, or infertility, the risk for breaking up
increases. Third, many sites (including Match.com, eHarmony. com, and Chemistry.com) use
“mathematical matching algorithms” that promise to find “your perfect partner.” Matching people based on similar personality traits, however, doesn’t accurately predict the success of a
relationship. Only face-to-face meetings and time give people a realistic picture of their
compatibility, particularly coping with unpleasant events.
Online dating has other downsides. People may be dishonest or have an unrealistically high
opinion of themselves. Women tend to lie about their age and weight.
IV. Why we choose Each Other: Some Mate-Selection Theories [LS2] [CA2] Learning Objective
8.4. Compare three mate-selection theories.
Sociologists have offered several explanations of mate-selection processes. Some of the most
influential theories include filter theory, social exchange theory, and equity theory.
A. Filter theory: Homogamy and narrowing the Marriage Market Theoretically, People have a vast pool of eligible dating partners. In reality, marriage market
is limited by culture and social structure. According to filter theory, people sift eligible
people according to specific criteria and thus reduce the pool of potential partners to a small
number of candidates. In effect, then, most people select dating partners and marry people
who are similar to themselves because filtering processes shape and limit their choices.
The major filtering mechanism is homogamy. Often used interchangeably with the
term endogamy, homogamy refers to dating or marrying someone with similar social
characteristics, such as ethnicity and age.
Propinquity Geographic closeness, or propinquity, one of the first filters, limits whom one meets, gets
to know, interacts with, and subsequently dates and marries. Most people who are currently
in serious long-term relationships or are married met through family and friends or in a
work or school setting.
Physical Appearance Once propinquity brings us together, looks matter. A number of studies show that men and
women choose partners whose physical attractiveness is similar to their own. Physically
attractive people benefit from a “halo effect”: They’re assumed to possess other desirable
social characteristics such as warmth, sexual responsiveness, kindness, poise, sociability,
and good character. They’re also seen as having more prestige, happier marriages, greater
social and professional success, and more fulfilling lives. In reality, life satisfaction is
much the same for both attractive and less attractive people. In the United States and many
other Western countries, and particularly for women, attractiveness is synonymous with
slimness, youth, and big breasts.
Ethnicity and Race Worldwide, people tend to date and marry those within their own ethnic and racial group.
About 91 percent of Americans did so in 2010. According to a recent national survey,
however, large numbers of blacks and whites, particularly men, said that being in a good
romantic relationship was very important, and that they’d marry someone of another race.
Many immigrant parents strongly prefer homogamous marriages for their children in terms
of ethnicity, race, and religion. As children become more assimilated into U.S. culture,
however, their dating preferences and behavior become more heterogamous.
Social Class Most of us face strong pressures to date and marry people of similar (or preferably higher)
social standing. It is very unlikely that men and women in the United States will date and
marry those from very different backgrounds—primarily because people from the same
social class have similar attitudes, values, an...
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