Tutor Response Form

Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing us to help you improve your writing!

Hello, Charlie! My name is Tom S., and I look forward to working with you on this Write Check Standard Essay Review to improve your writing today. Let's get started!

*Writing Strength: 
Charlie, you do a good job including citations as needed. It looks like you have avoided plagiarism, a serious offense, and that everything that needs to be cited was cited. Good work!


Main Idea/Thesis: 

You will need to be more specific in your thesis. If the thesis is vague, then the reader will not know what to expect from your paper, and it will make you more likely to go off on tangents later in the paper.

Generally, it is best to list your main arguments in the thesis statement to make sure you cover everything. Here is an example of a vague thesis:

Operation Iraqi Freedom was launched for other reasons beside the risk of weapons of mass destruction.

The phrase “other reasons” should be clearer, so I would reword my thesis like this:

Although it was ostensibly a response to the threat of weapons of mass destruction, Operation Iraqi Freedom also came about to secure American access to oil, counter the threat of an increasingly hostile Iran, and introduce democracy to the region.

Here is your thesis:

Through a territorial and economic interest in Spanish territory, as well as evidence pointing to their hand in the main explosion, Marti would have decided that the American invasion was for purely selfish reasons.[L1] 

What were the “purely selfish reasons,” specifically?

Revise your thesis, making it more specific.


Content Development: 

It seems, overall, that your paper is much shorter than it needs to be for you to prove your point. One result of that is that many of the claims you make in your body paragraphs go unsupported. Not supporting your arguments means that you are not demonstrating your mastery of the material, which is not good.

For instance, late in the paper, you say, “Secondly, the investigative reports showed that the destructive explosion was caused by a low-explosive charge, exactly the opposite of the kind of explosives used by the Spanish in the said mines.”

How do you know that? Can you find a source describing what Spanish nautical mines of that era were like? What was the explosive power of the charge and how does that compare to the mine? What else could have caused the explosion?

As you write, you must never expect your reader to take your word for it. Thus, you will need to go through your paper to add supporting evidence to all of your claims.

Develop your body paragraphs.

Word Choice: 

Many of your sentences are overly wordy and so become convoluted. Such a structure makes it harder for the reader to understand your position.

As a general rule, it is best not to use two words when one word will do.

If I said, “The test scores as well as from the interpretation of the teacher…” I would have a wordy statement that would be clearer if I instead said, “The test scores, along with the teacher’s interpretation…”

Do you see how I was able to be more direct and still express the same point? Which version is easier for you to follow?

Here is an example from your paper:

According to the reports as well as from the interpretation of the American leaders, there were clear indications that the blast resulted from a mine around the harbor by Spanish authorities.

How can you revise this sentence to make it clearer?

Eliminate wordiness.


Summary of Next Steps: 

•  Revise your thesis.
•  Develop your body paragraphs.
•  Correct wordy constructions.

Thank you for submitting your essay for a review, Charlie. I enjoyed helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good day!

~ Tom S.

Assignment paper

On February 15, 1898, the American battleship USS Maine exploded in Havana harbor. Americans wereoutraged; many blamed Spain, which ruled Cuba as one of the colonies in its fading empire, for theexplosion. Two months later, in April, Congress declared war on Spain, and American troops invadedCuba. By the end of the year, the United States would control former Spanish possessions of Puerto Rico, Guam, and the Philippines as its own colonies, and would exercise significant influence over Cuban affairs. The outcome of the war signaled a turning point, as the United States took on a new status as animperial world power.In your first paper for this course, you will use your knowledge, along with a set of historical primarysources provided by me, to evaluate the following statement:

“The Cuban patriot José Marti died in 1895, before the US invaded Cuba. However, if he

had lived to see the war, he would have argued that the United States invaded Cuba in 1898

because of the explosion of the U.S.S. Maine.”

 

Using Martí’s writings from before he died, as well as other sources from the time of the Spanish-

American War, make an argument as to whether the sinking of the Maine adequately explains the

invasion of Cuba. Was this the only cause, or were there others? Which were the most important?

To better understanding of the essay below is the a introduction of the jose marti writings

Excerpts from the Writings of José Martí (1853-1895)

 

For proper citations, see the footnotes at the end of each selection.

 

From “The Washington Pan-American Congress” (1889):

 

On the one hand, there is in America a nation proclaiming its right by proper investiture, because of geographical morality, to rule the continent, and it announces, in the words of its politicians, via pulpit and press, banquet and Congress—while laying hands on one island and trying to purchase another—that everything in North America must be its, and that this imperial right must be acknowledged from the Isthmus all the way south. On the other hand, there are the nations of diverse origins and purposes, busier and less distrustful every day, whose only real enemy is their own ambition and that of their neighbor taking away from them tomorrow what they can willingly give it today. Must the nations of America place their affairs in the hands of their only enemy…?^[1]

 

From “The United States View of Mexico” (1887):

 

It was at night, as is usual in these cases, when in a conference room in one of New York’s leading hotels the directors of the American Annexation League^[i] and the delegates from its many branches met in solemn conclave … They were also there to honor the president of the Company for the Occupation and Development of Northern Mexico, a Colonel Cutting. … Many Canadians were present, in addition to the delegates of the League—whose immediate objective is “to take advantage of any civil strife in Mexico, Honduras, or Cuba in order to act quickly and assemble an army.”

 

The Annexation League was established nine years ago, and today, with branches in several states of the Republic, it numbers over ten thousand members ready to “march to the colors.” … Far from lacking members, the League’s branches have too many, it is said, and they are organized like a reserve army.^[2]

 

 

 

 

 

 

Document G: Monroe Doctrine

In 1823, President James Monroe made a bold foreign policy speech to Congress that signified a

departure from past U.S. isolationism. The principles he laid out in the speech would become known

as the “Monroe Doctrine” and would influence policy decisions thereafter.

. . . [T]he American continents, by the free and independent condition which they have assumed and

maintain, are henceforth not to be considered as subjects for future colonization by any European

powers . . .

. . . The citizens of the United States cherish sentiments the most friendly, in favor of the liberty and

happiness of their fellow men on that side of the Atlantic. In the wars of the European powers, in

matters relating to themselves, we have never taken any part. . . . It is only when our rights are

invaded, or seriously menaced, that we resent injuries, or make preparation for our defense. With the

movements in this hemisphere, we are, of necessity, more immediately connected . . . We owe it,

therefore, to candor, and to the amicable relations existing between the United States and those

powers, to declare, that we should consider any attempt on their part to extend their system to any

portion of this hemisphere, as dangerous to our peace and safety. With the existing colonies or

dependencies of any European power we have not interfered, and shall not interfere. But with the

governments who have declared their independence, and maintained it, and whose independence we

have, on great consideration, and on just principles, acknowledged, we could not view any

interposition for the purpose of oppressing them, or controlling, in any other manner, their destiny, by

any European power in any other light than as the manifestation of an unfriendly disposition towards

the United States. . . .

Source: Excerpt from President James Monroe’s Seventh Annual Message to Congress, December 2,

1823.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Essay.

 

The Cuban Invasion

In February 1898, the USS Maine battleship sunk in the harbor of Havana, Cuba. The sinking was as a result of an explosion in the harbor that was later, through investigations related to an external blast[3][4]. The US Navy boards of inquiry that reached a conclusion after deliberations ruled that the Spanish were most likely responsible for the attack. According to the reports as well as from the interpretation of the American leaders, there were clear indications that the blast resulted from a mine around the harbor by Spanish authorities. Only two months later, the American Congress declared war on Spain. However, the invasion that occurred seems to have had different other motives other than just responding to the said attack on USS MAINE. [The introduction should add more context. What was going on within America at the time that might have influenced their decision? You need to introduce the entire story here.] This paper is an argumentative essay that seeks to argue the statement that the sinking of the Maine was an adequate reason for the invasion[5]. Though Jose Marti passes away before the US invasion, he would not have been fooled by the American Pretext. Through a territorial and economic interest in Spanish territory, as well as evidence pointing to their hand in the main explosion, Marti would have decided that the American invasion was for purely selfish reasons.[L2] 

The interests of the United States to acquire and or purchase Cuba, as well as other islands that were under the colonization of Spain such as Puerto Rico, Cuba, and Philippines Island, started well before 1898. According to Marti’s writings dated 1887, there was already a move to the American Annexation League to invade the Spanish controlled region. The objective of a meeting held by the delegates of the League was to “to take advantage of any civil strife in Mexico, Honduras, or Cuba to act quickly and assemble an army.” The statement is an indication that the Spanish-controlled region was already a target for Americans even before the sinking of Maine[6]. [While you do a good job summarizing the source your professor provided you with here, you need to go a step further and do some additional research. For instance, was the American Annexation League actually influential in American politics?]

The long-term interest of the Americans from the conditions prevailing even before the ten-year long war is clear[7][8]. The sugar interests in America bought large tracks of land in Cuba, and by 1895, the US already had over $50 million invested in sugar farming in Cuba. The war, therefore, came as a result of the need for America to become actively involved through the army and to acquire Cuba from the hands of the Spanish[9]. According to Marti’s writings, America as a nation prided in its right for proper investiture and the desire to expand its geographical and political territory. [Sometimes your sentences are missing important words. For instance, prided needs an object. You could not say “He prided in his strength.” You could say “He has pride in his strength” or “He prided himself in his strength,” but prided cannot be left alone. How should you revise the sentence?] In 1889, Marti observed that America was continually involved in the wish to purchase and hold for themselves several islands. Besides, Marti noted that own American enemy was its ambition to expand and that of their neighbor to take away what America believed to be their tomorrow[10].

The Americans declared war against the Spanish in April 1898, just two months after the sinking of the USS Maine in Cuba[11]. The declaration followed two separate reports submitted to the US Congress by two US Marine boards of inquiry. The reports consistently indicated that the Spanish were responsible for the explosion as it traces back to the mines that were under the control of the Spanish army[12]. US troops went to the Spanish Islands, and a ten-year battle began. The US claimed that the invasion, which led to the destruction of the Spanish was in response to a military offense that the Spanish started at the Havana harbor that led to the sinking of the USS Maine[13]. Although Americans were already interested in the purchase and acquisition of Cuba and other islands, there had not been any military advances to indicate their desire by force. The Americans offered Cuba to become the forty-sixthstate by December 1898 once the United States of America had defeated the Spanish. Although by signing the Treaty of Paris gave the United States of America control of Cuba, Puerto Rico, Guam, and the Philippines. The United States of America, therefore, went to war to defend its territories but in the process proceeded to acquire the island and later exercise its long-due desires as the Spanish relented back to their territories.[This paragraph seems out of place. Do you intend it to be a counter-argument? If so, it would need to be placed closer to the conclusion, with only the rebuttal coming after it in terms of body paragraphs.]

There is, however, an argument against Spanish responsibility in the sinking of the Maine. It is conceivable that the Spanish may have destroyed the US battleship. However, the destruction was not intentional as it is deemed to have resulted in mining activities in the Anchorage where the Americans Moored the Maine. Also, the USS Maine was not the only ship in the harbor at the time of the explosion; this means that if there were explosives in the mines, it would have posed a threat to all other ships in the harbor and not just the USS Maine[14]. Secondly, the investigative reports showed that the destructive explosion was caused by a low-explosive charge, exactly the opposite of the kind of explosives used by the Spanish in the said mines. It is also clear from the history of the relationship between these two countries that although the Spanish may have been offended as well as threatened by the presence of the battleship in their territory, they would not have had anything to gain from such a destruction.

The other reason which also strikes out in United States of America decision to invade Cuba is that Monroe Doctrine drives it. As it was stated in the Monroe Doctrine that it would be in USA self-interest to driven out all European powers from American Hemisphere and by doing it so it would remain sole hegemony on the hemisphere. These would secure their economic interest as well geopolitical interest. These last Spanish colonies were also very strategic for USA foreign policy as in thecase of any European power attempt to recolonise any of the countries from Latin America. The United States of America would not like to have competition in its backyard. If it could secure its backyard, then they would be able to expand beyond American hemisphere. With the explosion of USS Maine; whether it was intentional or not by Spanish would not make any difference because the explosion of the battleship gave the United States of America a reason to achieve its objective in the region.  [L3] 

From all the facts shown above, America must have had various other motives towards the invasion of Cuba. Jose Marti’s writings, before the war, were indicating that Americans were already preparing for territorial expansion through purchase and military acquisition, a desire that was threatened by the ambitions of the Spanish to remain in control of the Islands. Some of the others indications showed that America must have waited for any sign of resistance or conflict from the Spanish to no success. The sinking of the Maine, whether as a result of the Spanish Naval Mine activities or an internal sabotage by Washington as has been reported by some sources provided the best opportunity for the US to progress its more important motives of territorial acquisition. Therefore, the sinking of the Maine was not an adequate or the only reason for the American-Spanish conflict.  Many more various important issues were at stake in the battle, which is important to our nation and its history[L4] .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bibliography

Cavendish, Richard. “The Sinking of the Maine.” History Today 48, no. 2 (1998): 33. http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=219110&lang=es&site=ehost-live.

Clark, John R. “States of Preservation: The Maine Memory Project and Similar Public Access Digital History Resources in the United States.” Behavioral & Social Sciences Librarian 25, no. 1 (2006): 141–44. doi:Article.

HUDSON, ROGER. “A Splendid Little War.” History Today 64, no. 6 (2014): 28–29. http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=96515519&lang=es&site=ehost-live.

José Martí, “The Washington Pan-American Congress,” La Nación (Buenos Aires), December 19-20, 1889, reprinted in José Martí, Inside the Monster: Writings on the United States and American Imperialism, ed. Philip S. Foner (New York: Monthly Review Press, 1975), 355-6.

José Martí, “The United States View of Mexico,” El Partido Liberal (Mexico City), June 23, 1887, reprinted in in José Martí, Inside the Monster: Writings on the United States and American Imperialism, ed. Philip S. Foner (New York: Monthly Review Press, 1975), 325-326.

Marie ECharliebeth Lamb, Awake United States! (New Orleans, LA, 1898)

McLoughlin, Kate. “The Great War and Modern Memory.” Essays in Criticism, 2014. doi:10.1093/escrit/cgu019.

Monroe Doctrine. Excerpt from President James Monroe’s Seventh Annual Message to Congress, December 2, 1823.

Otte, Thomas G. “From ‘War-in-Sight’ to Nearly War: Anglo–French Relations in the Age of High Imperialism, 1875–1898.” Diplomacy & Statecraft 17, no. 4 (2006): 693–714. doi:10.1080/09592290600943064.

Patton, Allyson. “Watching the War.” American History 33, no. 3 (1998): 72. http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=a9h&AN=779576&lang=es&site=ehost-live.

President McKinley’s State of the Union Address 1898. Excerpt from President William McKinley’s War Message to Congress, April 11, 1898.

Reconcentration Camps. Excerpt from unsigned enclosure included with telegram sent by Fitzhugh Lee, U.S.Consul General in Cuba, November 27, 1897. Havana, Cuba

 “Prepared to Move”.Excerpt from telegram sent by Fitzhugh Lee, U.S. Consul-General in Cuba, December 3, 1897. Havana, Cuba.

Stephanson, Anders. “Diplomatic History in the Expanded Field.” Diplomatic History, 1998, 595. doi:10.1111/0145-2096.00140.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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